digital pen, digital paper.

Articles of Confession

I drove to Tampa today for Thanksgiving with the other half of my family. I decided to drive myself rather than meet my parents or brother to carpool. I like to drive fast, windows down, music up. There is nothing in life I love better than speeding and weaving through traffic. On the way home, I am taking I-4 and 528, averaging a brisk 85 mph in my Eclipse. As I near my two options for exit off 528, I drop my speed to 70. Semoran at the airport is a bit closer, but the Goldenrod exit is not under construction and I can avoid traffic coming from the airport. After passing the first exit, I signal to change lanes.

I always signal my lane changes, this time is no different. The white SUV in front of me is traveling at a considerably slower speed, and needs to know that I am approaching and moving to the right lane. Otherwise, he might attempt to change lanes at the same time, causing confusion and possibly an accident.

I adjust the wheel and drift most of the way over, still approaching at a considerably higher speed, still signaling. White SUV decides not to use his mirrors or his own signal. He changes lanes at the same time, positioning himself directly in front of me. I slam on my brakes to avoid collision while simultaneously signaling back to the middle lane and jerking the wheel. He sees me, but still not my signal, and also jerks back to the middle lane, again, directly in front of me. I press harder on the brake with a signal back to the right, and jerk the wheel again.

I barely miss clipping the corner of the SUV, but am way off course, angled diagonally across the right lane and toward the shoulder of the road. I attempt to straighten out as my car arc-slides through the right lane, along side of the SUV, and back toward the middle lane and another car. I have to avoid hitting another car and force my wheels back toward the right again.

Sideways-skid off the road.

Through a swale, up the opposite bank, knocking a few small trees out of my way, my car finally comes to a rest nose first against a chain link fence post.

I am a level-headed individual. First thing to do is turn the car off. Nothing has hit me aside from a spray of dirt through my open window. I know I am unhurt. I know I avoided the other cars, but need to check that no one else lost control or got hurt. My door is stuck. Climb out the window. Side mirror is shattered. 90 feet of tire tracks through the swale. Holy shit, I can’t believe my car slid that far. A car has pulled over. Two men stand there looking at me. One is a cop.

“You okay?”
I’m fine. Is there anyone else hurt?
“No. There are no other cars. Did you get a good look at who ran you off the road?”
No. A white SUV.
“I’m Seminole county. You should call 9-1-1 and report it and get a case number before you call insurance.”
Thanks. Another look at the 90 feet of tire tracks. Holy shit, did I really slide that far?
“You sure you are okay?”
I’m good. That was fucking awesome. Like straight out of a movie.

The two drive off as I stare at my car and pull out my phone. Quick call to 9-1-1. Non-emergency report. Officer en route. Sirens from a fire truck one minute later, and I’m thinking, wow, that was fast. But another car has pulled over and a man explains he saw me fly off the road, called for an ambulance, and doubled back to make sure I was okay. I thank him and he leaves as the emergency crew checks my car for leaking fluids. Dent in my front bumper, one tire is flat, driver side door won’t open, side mirror housing is twisted, bits of shattered mirror and dirt are strewn about my front seats. While they wait with me for the officer to take the report, they tell me I am lucky that I wasn’t hurt and that my car didn’t flip. Glad I drive a low-profile car.

Sirens from a cop car ten minutes later, and I’m thinking, wow, that was fast for a non-emergency. I explain what happened, then the cop looks my car over and suggests I move it to the road. Back through the window, Dukes of Hazard style, I start the engine. My right blinker is still on, in case there was any confusion as to which side of the road I was skidding off of. After the cop tells me the same about being lucky and the car not flipping, he makes sure I can get a tow and leaves. Quick call to triple-A. Tow truck en route (which only took 30 minutes — wow, fast for any tow truck service).

I finally sit back and reflect upon the whole event.

I swerved back and forth across two lanes at 70 mph, managing to avoid hitting two other cars in close proximity. Then I skid sideways 90 feet through a swale and trees and into a fence, and walked away completely unscathed. Moviesque. Had I left the road 30 feet further than I did, I would have hit a concrete post street light.

This is the problem with drivers in Central Florida. They are not aware of other vehicles on the road and almost no one uses their signals to indicate where they are going. Not to mention the slow drivers in the left lane who refuse to move. There are two lessons here that will likely go unlearned. One, that driver in the white SUV should learn to check his mirrors and use his turn signal before changing lanes. And two, I should slow down and drive the speed limit.

Fuck that.